Breathing In New Life @ 36
Photography by: Jeff Kenneth Lee
Whenever it comes close to my birthday, I resolve to look back at the last year, possibly even further to reflect and then make some personal goals and declarations over the year ahead. Over the last 12+ months, I took a self-imposed hiatus from the online world and it was the most rewarding and refreshing time that I’ve experienced in ages.
My outlook for entering my 36th year of life is being open to receive, because of the changes that I imposed since 2019. Specifically over the past two years, I took the drivers’ seat for my actions and thoughts where I previously stationed myself as a passenger and because of that shift I am in a happier and healthier mental, emotional, spiritual and physical state.
I ended 2020 with the phrase Chai Life, because 36, which is double 18 relates to the numeric value of LIFE (Chai) in the Hebrew language. Chai Life is a literal translation while also alluding to my renewed purpose and adding LIFE on top of everything I’ve been successful with on my journey of growth and obtaining wholeness from the inside out.
Due to this internal transformation, I wanted to share what a year ago looked like, so below you’ll find my love letter to myself at 35:
I am grateful as I sit in this very present moment celebrating my 35th birthday. Yes, countdown to 40 is officially on, but in a very different way than I thought it would be.
I am in such an almost surreal sense of contentment. I am in no way perfect nor will I ever be, however I am in a state of perfecting. I am unabashedly me. I am not trying to prove to others that I am, say or do enough. I can show you my stretchmarks, the extra flab I carry in my midsection and own them with pride, not because I don’t want to have a toned figure but because I don’t have to overwork and overwhelm my already full schedule to get there right now.
Photography by: Jeff Kenneth Lee
Before, and I mean merely months ago I was over-indulged by external thoughts and views. Ones that weren’t even directly speaking to me or my situation and yet I felt a sense of obligation to take these viewpoints as guidelines for my life. You know what the reality of many of these opinions are from though? People who test and find results that benefit themselves and potentially others with similar habits or traits or lives. Lets be honest. I gave birth to four children who have the same biological father and not one of my pregnancies, labours or children are identical so how can I live as though one person’s answers will be exactly the remedy for my life?
In the previous example I gave, I don’t want you to think my physical health is not a priority for me, because it is, however at this particular moment, it doesn’t have the number one spot. So maybe to you I’m far from achieving “it all” and I’m actually fine with that.
This past year has shown me that I am capable of much, all of us are. How we determine to get there doesn’t have to be a sprint to the end. I don’t know what time I do have left on this earth but you can be sure I intend on living it out fully. Not rushing through a checklist, but stopping to smell the flowers, by spending the next hour cuddling beside my loved ones instead of cradling my phone. By having face to face or voiced conversations with girlfriends instead of hearting a photo or comment.
Time is a luxury, not because of the money we earn per hour, but because of how significantly we can impact it by what we do with it!
I was extremely low key this birthday because I’m laying groundwork to a complex puzzle I’m trying to piece together over the next couple years. I didn’t miss anything though. Although I’m not actively on social media at this moment in time, family, friends, acquaintances even have found me and shown me love this past week! I always decorate the house for my family’s birthdays (it’s what I do). This year I was in school most of the day and when I got home, my kids with Daddy’s assistance put up balloons and décor and hand crafted a banner just for me! It’s moments like this that go beyond sharing. I’m selfishly taking in all of these moments that make life such an incredible gift, because it’s the only one I will have.
So when you next celebrate a birthday, a milestone, even a new year, please make it count with the things that truly matter – whatever that may be to you. And may your cup truly overflow from capturing these moments.
Well, there you have it! I took the liberty to highlight some of the statements that really resonates with me even today. And I hope whatever it is you celebrate in the near future, even if it’s the fact that it’s Sunday and we’ve entered into yet another week, that you find something of benefit to pull from this page out of my journal and allow it to breathe new life into yours.
More Love, More Light, More Life,
